


kiss me twice

by frogstack



Category: Hunter X Hunter
Genre: Angst with a Happy Ending, CA arc and then vague post-canon, Canon Compliant, First Kiss, Killua POV (third person), Light Angst, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-06-02
Updated: 2017-06-02
Packaged: 2018-11-08 05:44:21
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,010
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11075247
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/frogstack/pseuds/frogstack
Summary: Gon kisses him amidst a bloodbath when they're fourteen years old, and Killua hates him for it.





	kiss me twice

**Author's Note:**

> hbd eli and h(late)bd morgan!! love ya both.

Killua kisses him when they're sixteen years old, and he calls it their first kiss.

That throws him off his guard more than his own courage to initiate does, more than the kiss he receives back, more than the simplicity and ease of the moment he's spent hours fretting over.

Because he kisses him when they're sixteen, safe and wrapped in sweaters and scarves in a small-town café, but it's not their first kiss. In what now feels like another life, Gon kisses him first.

\---

Traces of moonlight stream through the slanted blinds in a muggy hotel room, and Killua can't tell if it's the blankets weighing him down or just his own sweat. Exhaustion from Bisky’s training sinks through his bones, but not quite the sort that would let him sleep. He rolls over for what feels like the hundredth time that night, desperate for some escape from the oppressive consistency of the air and pretending sleep might have found him easier in better weather conditions. 

He's surprised when his eyes lock onto a pair of wide-open golden brown ones across the shared pillow; he was under the impression that Gon was asleep. Given the chance to mull it over, he realizes it was a stupid assumption.

“Killua,” he says with a dry throat, and Killua is waiting for the next part until he realizes there isn't one.

Gon smiles. He feels a wave of something like understanding pass between them. The room feels a bit warmer, but not worse, and for a moment, things feel normal; there are no Ants, no Kite or lack thereof, no scab growing on his forehead where his own jagged nails scraped his brother’s needle free earlier that day. For a moment, it’s just him and Gon and his eyes lingering too long on Gon’s lips.

Which is, he hates to admit, typical of the past few months.

“Did she kiss you?” Killua asks suddenly, envy churning in his stomach. “Palm, I mean. On your date.” 

It’s a stupid question, and it doesn’t matter, but he can’t help wondering. He feels his own hand clench into a fist before Gon’s comes to rest around it.

“No,” he answers, with what seems like a smirk on his face. It fades quickly, and then they’re just _looking_ at each other again, and normally Killua would turn his eyes away and call him an idiot and move on, but there’s something about that night that makes it nigh impossible.

He wonders, sometimes, if Gon understands more about what he’s thinking than he lets on.

“Oh, well, good. That would’ve been weird.”

“I think so too.”

It’s a response Killua doesn’t expect, and he raises his eyebrows.

“Wait, why? You agreed to go on a date with her!”

Gon goes so silent Killua thinks he must’ve fallen asleep, but he swears he can still see the slight reflection of the moonlight off his open eyes. That, and Gon’s hand still cradles his own, thumb brushing faintly across his skin. When Gon moves closer, he nearly falls backward off their shared bed.

“Because it would’ve been my first kiss,” he explains, voice all too calm and steady and matter-of-fact, “and I don’t like Palm enough for that.”

Gon’s smile suggests he’s not quite done, and Killua waits with his breath lodged in his throat for him to say something else. 

_It’s not the time for this_ , he thinks.

And there won’t ever be a _best_ time, knowing the two of them, but this has to be the absolute worst, and this should be the last thing on either of their minds.... Still, he doesn’t stop Gon from leaning in closer, doesn’t make a single comment as Gon’s lips mistakenly brush his chin in the dark before meeting his own. 

Gon kisses him amidst a bloodbath when they're fourteen years old, and Killua hates him for it because neither of them are ready to love each other yet and they both know it. Gon kisses him when they're fourteen and then turns over to sleep, leaving him with a heavy heart, a fire on his lips, and a ticking bomb in his gut, and, two years later, he doesn't seem to remember a thing.

\---

When Killua sees Gon again, he's surprised by how easily things fall back into place. It's natural for them to link arms in public, for him to joke and hear the familiar ring of Gon’s laughter -- though at about an octave deeper than he'd been used to before. Time alone doesn’t heal, he thinks, but maybe growing does.

When Gon asks to stay with him and Alluka, he says it only makes sense.

Being with Gon again feels like that-- like the only sensible option. Like something at the core of the universe had been thrown off balance and is just now clicking back into place.

That's what kissing him the second time feels like, too.

He takes it upon himself only because Gon doesn't, because he holds his hand when they’re walking together, alone, but never seems to lean in close enough.

When he kisses Gon, the café fills with light, his vision clears, and something heavy and burdening leaves his chest. And this time, when he opens his eyes, he can see him, brown eyes wide and front teeth pressing softly on his lower lip, like he's holding something back for a moment.

“You kissed me,” he says, “that was our first kiss.”

Killua frowns because he wants it to be true. He wants their first kiss to have been something like this, promising and freeing and not a vice of a memory that clung to his heart for two years.

Gon looks at him, bewildered for a moment, before taking his hand in both of his own.

“That was our first kiss,” he repeats, and Killua knows he remembers by the look in his eyes, by the conviction only Gon Freecss’s gaze could hold. “We’ll do it right this time.”

“Idiot,” Killua mutters, before leaning in to kiss him a third time.


End file.
